August 01, 2017
before college weekend I had a crippling disorder called social anxiety. it made it so that i couldn’t really talk to anyone or share anything. it was like being put into a cage. i didn’t really have a voice and the only way to be set free from that cage is to talk to be people, ironically.
i came to matthias because a buddy asked me come and i just decided to go. at matthias, i met kieth and he pitched the idea of college weekend to me. it sounded super interesting with a bunch of college kids having fun. i was super apprehensive because of my social disorder, and so i waited till there was almost no time left. then i just signed up on a whim. i didn’t really know what to think.
i kind of expected when i went to college weekend to be shelled up in my room, if possible, not talk to anybody, hide in the bathrooms and not participate as much as possible. that was my game plan going in. that friday, i showed up. i didn’t know what to think. i didn’t know anybody and was kind of freaking out. i was super nervous
it all started on the bus. i don’t know why, but i just started talking to people and having good conversations. it was really weird because i have literally never had that my entire life. i had no idea what it was, but it was absolutely God touching my heart and changing me with what I would now call “giving me a voice”. at the time, i didn’t know it was God. i thought this is very strange. i felt like i was being let out of a cage.
i now see that it was literally like Jesus came down and was like ” its time to start talking to people. it’s time to start experiencing life, and it’s time to get to know Me.” there’s no words to describe the experience of that first contact that i had with Him. it was then knowing that God spoke to me.
since the college retreat, i’ve been able to talk to people. i’ve become a christian. that’s kind of a big thing for me. i have this thing to believe in and it’s a true thing to believe in. i’ve been changed by God. a full heart change which is indescribable. i could go on and on and wouldn’t even be able to scratch the surface of how i now feel about the work that has been done in me. now i have this voice, and now i can’t stop talking. it’s like being given the greatest gift in all senses of that. i can not take credit for what happened to me because the only way out was God. there was no way out. i had tried before to get myself out of this cage.
to put it into words, God came down. gave me the keys to my cage. let me out. gave me a voice and changed my life. i guess that speaks to His nature. He will rescue you no matter where you are at seemingly inopportune times. that’s what happened to me at college weekend.